Zombie Apocalypse

Hello and thank you for your email. I will be out of the office April 27-28 and will return on Monday, May 1.

As you may know, I am the mom of a 22 year old who was and still is, the fattest baby I have ever met. She has now gone from her 10.6LB birthweight and in just 22 short years she has managed to gain a SOLID 50-60 pounds and is a foot taller than I am. She's probably not even mine.

But anyway, I guess that postpartum depression I've been suffering from for 22 years is paying off: she is graduating from nursing school!!!! (!!!!!!) She chose this profession because QUOTE: "They will still need nurses once the zombie apocalypse happens" -- so I'll admit that letting her watch The Walking Dead at age 10 wasn't the best parenting decision, but it seems like it worked out? My skills will be of no use during the zombie apocalypse, so I plan to retire myself.

I'm working every day to be a better mom now that she is an adult and not a complete disaster. Thus, I must go to Utah and support her at her graduation. Don't worry, I'm wearing a hot pink prom dress and blowing up a photo of her so I can call as much attention to myself as possible. I've found that embarrassing your children is the single greatest joy parenthood can offer.

While I am explaining to my baby girl that she now has to get a job and work until she is dead, you may contact (someone else) if your matter requires immediate attention. Otherwise, I will respond to you on Monday.