Wombat or Bust

Hello, and I'll try to use less words to convey my message this time because some people are sick of my nonsense:

I hereby inform you that I am not in the office and will not return until Monday, November 13. Now you know.

What you may not know is that I am one half of the most awesome couple that anyone has ever met! While we are on vacation we advertise this by wearing matching outfits, ridiculous hats and bright colors. Cruise ships are especially suitable for these activities because of the unlimited drink package and we enjoy making people feel uncomfortable at bingo.

When we step into a cruise ship bar, seagulls majestically fly up around us to announce our arrival. Wind blows through our hair (well, MY hair) and patrons take selfies with us as the bartenders douse us with champagne. Later we are texted photos of ourselves from random numbers that we don't remember being taken.

Look, the entire objective of this trip is to hug a wombat. No, I'm not going to Australia because if I were then this whole message would be about how I am time traveling into the future. This is all because it's literally cheaper to go on a cruise than it is to stay in a hotel in California. Plus, cruise ships also take you to Mexico.

In any case, I am probably breaking into the wombat enclosure at the San Diego Zoo right now. If I don't end up in zoo/boat jail, I will get your message when I return.

Please contact [others] if you have an issue that must be prioritized over my love for wombats.