Turkey Time

🦃 T̶u̶r̶k̶e̶y̶ Time.

Company is closed for the holiday and will re-open Monday, November 27.

The absolute majesty of the White House pardoned turkeys, Liberty and Bell have made me very uncomfortable this year. Like, why are they so puffy? How am I this old and didn’t know that is what a turkey looks like?!

Eating a creature that magnificent will surely result in a curse. As a millennial I am already cursed AND I’m always looking for ways to ruin traditions, so I’m making tri-tip instead. Ever since I was forced to graduate from the kids table at only 30 years old, this holiday has been going downhill anyway.

Okay, you got me. I’m not making tri-tip. I almost burned the house down boiling pasta last week. My loved ones are cooking and I’m just going to stand around drinking peppermint martinis out of a Yeti and insisting that vodka IS mashed potatoes. (I’m in charge of mashing the potatoes.) At this rate, I will have zero Thanksgiving responsibilities by next year. And for that, I’ll be thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

If you should need me while I am out, please try Total Wine.