Pirate Life

AHOY!

Thank you for your email, I'm on a boat!

I am currently sailing the Lesser Antilles singing sea shanties and yelling in broken Spanish about barnacles and doubloons! Don't worry, I'm wearing a mask! Safety is the first rule of pirate life according to my imagination.

Pirates don't have wifi (probably) so if needed, you may summon me by yelling the word "Tortuga" directly into the ocean. Or you can contact (someone) if you want to make things less magical. You may also wait until I return on January 4, new and improved and only a little more salty than usual :)