Laws of the High Seas

Hi there, thank you for your email. I am currently participating in my favorite pastime: drinking beer while floating in a River. I will be abiding only by the laws of the high seas. I won't be in international waters, but that's not going to stop me from stealing a parasol and throwing people overboard while yelling in broken Spanish. Don't worry, I'LL WEAR A MASK.

According to ancient prophecy the river does not have wifi. If needed, you may summon me by screaming "Plymouth Rock" directly into the ocean. Or you can also text [someone else] if you want to make things less magical.

I shall return to port June 29.